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Comforting Those Who Mourn
Report D
September 26, 2006
“So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.' ” (Luke 17:10, NASB)
Glory to God, this fall/early winter season marks my 15th year as a believer. When i reflect back an how Jesus has changed me, and all the things He's blessed me to be part of over these past 15 years, i'm amazed. And i must admit, 'i am an unworthy slave' – and in fact, i've failed even to do what i ought to have done. But by the grace of God, i am what i am. And i sit here tonight, typing this in Bsln, only because of His mercy and grace.
I want to encourage all of you who are reading this: if you are already following Jesus Christ, think back to where you were when you first met Him. Yes, we have far to go, but look how far He's already brought you! Can you remember those feelings you had when you first began to understand His forgiveness, and His promise of eternal life? The Same God Who began the good work in you Is Faithful to perfect the same. And like the verse above says, i'm sure you can join me in saying, 'We are unworthy slaves.' All our success is from Him, and isn't it amazing when you consider all He has done, is doing, and will do in our lives? Praise be to Him!
And if you haven't yet surrendered your life to Jesus, why not do it today? I have lived in both worlds – the one without Jesus, and the one with Him. And i can assure you 100% that a life surrendered to Jesus is truly the most fulfilling one you could ever had. For without Him, all your labor, dreams, plans, and so forth have a very near end in sight. What good is it to achieve the world if in turn you lose your soul for all eternity? Perhaps you're a very successful person – way to go! They might even make a statue of you after you die – though of course, the number of birds that will designate that statue as their choice spot of relief will probably vast outweigh the number of people who will even care that it's there! You can think all the talk about Jesus is stupid and foolish if you'd like, but please remember – i've already lived in your world, and so i already know and have experienced that it has nothing eternal to offer. You haven't lived in the other world yet, so how can you judge what you have never experienced? Jesus has His arms open wide to you – today is the day of salvation. Why not call on Him, and surrender to The Lord right now?
Tuesday, 9/19/06 – Had an early lunch with Jambul's parents (his father arrived in Bsln this morning). Went and talked with Babushka, Zalina, and Valya (a family here that's helped me so many different times) about finding an apartment. Toma (a neighbor of theirs and sister in our church) was talking about forgiving an enemy and how difficult it was, and The Lord blessed me to share the verse in Luke about 'those forgiven more love more.' And also that though we don't have the ability, when we pray for our enemies, God changes our heart. The Lord also blessed me to share with Valya... she still has strange concepts about God. She thinks we should pray straight to The Father – that Jesus isn't necessary. She also questions the validity of The Bible; i replied that either all of The Bible is true, or we should just toss it out altogether. She said, 'Let's say for example that The Bible isn't true,' and then she went on to share a belief that their Saint George might have been one of the two-thirds who stuck with God, but that all the people on the earth were the one-third who rebelled with Satan against God. The Lord gave me the wisdom to quickly point out the big fallacy behind that 'possibility:' i asked her where her knowledge/belief about the 1/3 came from. I told her, 'If you're saying as an example that The Bible isn't true, your whole belief is nonsense, because you got your understanding of the 1/3 from The Bible!' Valya laughed, and realized she was caught in an impossible position to defend. Later went and taught English to Madina (who lost her younger brother in the massacre) – had a nice visit with her and her mom. After, i went to drop off the umbrella at Mairbek's, and to see if i could help Kristina with her laptop. (Both Mairbek and Kristina survived the terrorist attack, but Mairbek's mom was killed in that tragedy.) Visited with their family for a good while. Mostly hung out with Mairbek, and it was evident how much he wanted me to stay longer. After i left, he called out to me and hung out their window - they live on the first floor, don't worry! He wanted me to sign my name a few more times, and write it in English. I did, and also wrote, 'Jesus loves you,' in Ossetian, and told him not to forget that. Just as when i lived above his apartment last year, we exchanged numerous goodbyes as i walked away. I'm often amazed at all the living miracles God has blessed me to meet and know here; the precious survivors are everywhere. Little Mairbek is just such a one. A young boy so energetic and full of life... it's like now, i couldn't imagine not knowing him. But so many families now daily live with a much deeper realization that their children – normal little kids like Mairbek, ones who rode their bikes around outside their apartments and played soccer there as well – are now dead. And not simply dead, but killed in perhaps the most horrific way any parent could ever dare to imagine. I'm not trying to be morbid, i just hope that we never forget the reality of life this side of the school massacre for more than 330 families who lost their loved ones there. I just can't picture having had a lovable little child, whom i had to one day go to the morgue and identify, though the child was now missing their head. Nor could i imagine the terrible and revolting feeling of having claimed a wrong child's body and almost burying it – and then having had to take it back to the morgue, still wondering what happened to my child. This is not intended to be mere 'shock journalism' or something like that... this is simply a picture of the nightmarish memories which many families live with today, and will live with for the rest of their lives. Please pray for the people of Bsln!
Wednesday, 9/20/06 – Went out looking for an apartment... got a few leads, praise be to God. So Valico (Margiyev) and talked with him for a bit; he lost his only child/daughter, Elvira, in the massacre. Also saw Rozita (Bazrova) and we talked a little (she lost her daughter in the massacre); her son, Alikhan, is now in Vladikavkaz studying at some military facility. At the Post Office they said they can always give me a free copy of Bsln's newspaper... thank You, Yah! Went and bought more CDs and made copies of the disc The Lord blessed me to make. Zipha and Vova (two young adults in our fellowship) are getting married next Sunday (October 1st). Wow! So close. On the way to visit Madina (Dzaparova) and Liza (Badoyeva), i heard a loud explosive sound, and then saw lots of thick grey smoke which ascended for a few minutes. Walked to see if i could find out what had happened, but the smoke quickly subsided, and no one else seemed very alarmed any more, so i headed back towards Madina and Liza's (two young girls who both survived the massacre). Liza was sick, so i visited with Madina, and her parents. Gave two of my CDs, and Zalina (her mom) told me about one of Madina's friends who also wants to study English; her friend's sister is Dariya, who lived in the
Thursday, 9/21/06 – Went to net club; really frustrating getting it to work, but God was Gracious. Saw Soslan and Alla (Batagov) outside, and they asked me to visit. They lost their younger boy, Timur, in the tragedy. Went to teach Madina (Tsabolva, who lost her little brother in the massacre). I told her i had read the article she wrote last July about Marat, and that she wrote well. In it, she had said that they didn't tell Alana what happened – just that Marat's still at school; and she wrote that Alana still asks why he hasn't come, etc. I asked Madina if Alana knew yet, and she said, 'No – she's still waiting.' During my time there, Madina shared how there are times when no one understands her (Madina). Lord, give me the opportunity to share that You do! Afterwards went and visited Alina (Tsorayeva) and her family (Alina and her brother, Zaur, both survived the attack). Then went and visited a little with Aslan (Dzaparov) and his mom (Aslan and his brother, Soslan, also survived the massacre). I really wanted to visit another family, but Jambul and Marina had called me numerous times telling me the FSB (Russian FBI) had said i needed to be at their house at 8PM. I called Rita (who lost her only child in the attack) at the mother's committee and asked if she/they could call Larissa (at the Registration Office) and explain i was still looking for a place. Sima (who lost a grandaughter in the massacre) knows Larissa well, and called her. Before leaving for the city, i stopped at the committee, and asked them to write a short note saying they know who i am, and that i'm currently looking for an apartment; Rita wrote it for me, and then i left for Vladikavkaz. Caught a taxi to Jambul's house once i was in the city. Waited at their house for around 3 hours – no one from the FSB called, came, or anything. (Perhaps Sima's call made a big difference. Either way, praise God!) Afterwards, Jambul called Sasha to see if i could stay with him. He then called a taxi for me, and off i went. Had a good visit with Sasha.
Friday, 9/22/06 – Came back to Bsln, and saw one of the members from Sergei Totiev's church (Pastor Sergei lost 2 of his children in the attack). She told me that a grandmother who lives right next to the church has been looking for someone to live there and rent; the grandmother also lost a granddaughter in the school massacre. Tried to visit her (Nahzee), but she wasn't home. I saw Stas, the 24 year old brother at the church who lost his younger sister in the attack. He invited me to eat watermelon with him, and said i could wait there if i wanted to. Stas and another brother named Adam were building more at the church, and God blessed me to spend the day with them and help some. Jesus blessed Stas and i to have some deep/personal talks - please pray for him. I think he's a newer believer... he's a really nice guy who's trying to follow Jesus. One of the other brothers there and i were talking, and i said i'd be hear for 2 months. Adam said, 'He (jason) means 5 years and 2 months.' Nahzee still hadn't come home, and Stas took me home. I was sneezing and all through most of the day, and by the end of it, i felt really bad. Asked The Lord for healing, took medicine, and hit the hay.
Saturday, 9/23/06 – Shabbat day. Feeling much better, praise God. Went to see if Nahzee was home.She wasn't, so i just hung out some with Stas, Adam, Murat, and Sasha, who were working on the church building. They invited me to eat with them, and i also helped them a tiny bit afterwards. Also saw babushka Olga yesterday and today... she chided me for still not having visited her yet. Yikes!
Monday, 9/25/06 – Prayed very sincerely that God would allow me to visit Nahzee; He heard! I met her, and will be living here... at the whopping rate of less than $100 a month! (Bsln is incredibly cheap to live in.) Nahzee's a very dear older lady who lost her granddaughter, Sophia, in the terrorist attack. She showed me many photos of Sophia, and told me a lot about her. Sophia loved to sing, and sung in the youth service at the Baptist church her last Sunday here on earth. She would be about 16 now, had she lived; she came to Christ perhaps 6 years ago. Sophia lived here (in the house where i'm now staying) with her grandma, Nahzee, and went to School No. 1 (the school the terrorists attacked). Sophia's parents and her brother live in the country, but for whatever reason she lived here in Bsln. Nahzee, who lived alone except for her granddaughter being with her, said that Sophia was her everything. She (Nahzee) also has wrestled with many feelings of guilt over her granddaughter's death – her own family said that Sophia might not have died if she wouldn't have been living here with Nahzee. Nahzee mixes Russian and Ossetian, so it's difficult to understand her at times. But if i understood her correctly, here's yet another reason why she (and another mom) feels guilt. 'My daughter (Sophia's mom) thinks I'm guilty, because she called and told me not to let Sophia go to school earlier than 10AM. But her friend, Dzerassa, was ready, and they both looked so happy and well-dressed as they headed off to school, so I let her go. Dzerassa's mom made her (Dzerassa) leave the house. She (Dzerassa) didn't want to go to school that morning, but Byella (her mom) asked her what she was waiting for, and told her to get to school.' Could you imagine living with what Nahzee and Byella live with... thinking everyday about whether or not you are at least in some way to blame for the death of your daughter or granddaughter? God blessed me with the opportunity to tell Nahzee that i really believe He wanted me to communicate to her that she's not guilty. She didn't know what was going to happen that day, nor did Byella or any of the other parents who lost children there. Nahzee is a believer, and so is Byella – Byella and her husband Sergei, a Baptist pastor here in Bsln, lost two of their children in the massacre; Byella's sister-in-law (Raya) and her husband Taimuraz (also a Baptist pastor) lost four of their five children. I saw Madina, their only child that lived through the massacre, today. She's a sweet young girl, perhaps 14 years old or so, and usually smiles a lot when she sees me. Maybe it's just 'cos she gets a kick out of hearing my trying to speak Ossetian... either way, i don't care. To get a smile from that girl, a young believer who's lived and suffered through more than most of us could ever even imagine – it's like the world to me. To lose all of your siblings and two of your extremely close cousins in such a horrific way, not to mention all the mental anxiety and paralysis you yourself lived through as you suffered those three days in the gym; all i can say is - pray for young Madina. Ask God to bring the healing and comfort that only He can. There are no words to speak. And may God remind me every time i see that living miracle of the honor a girl like her deserves from me and the whole world. And even in saying that, i'm reminded of what her dad (Taimuraz) told me about a year and a half ago. After visiting with their family for the first time, i said that it was an honor for me to be there, and Taimuraz responded by saying: 'The only honor we'll have is to be with The Father.' And that profound truth spoken from a man who lost four of his five children. That, my friends, is faith. It's not hard to thank, bless, and praise God when things are going well for us. But to suffer such heartache, and such heartache that cannot be remedied save for the grace of God, and to still believe, and continue pastoring – that is faith.
Please pray for:
· The Lord's continual mercy for those who lost loved ones in the school massacre;
· People to surrender to Jesus;
· Strength, boldness, and favor in His eyes and the eyes of all;
· My registration to be finished and out of the way. I found a new place to live and all is fine, but trying to get registration done is always, shall we say, an ‘adventure.’ Please pray for God’s grace; the woman whoworks there has one of those very ‘different’ personalities, and is not the most reasonable lady. Simply put, there’s always some kind of problem. With God’s help, I hope to try again (& succeed!) tomorrow
May The Lord again bless each of you who share in this amazing ministry – amazing because of The Amazing God that we serve. The prayers, the financial support, the emails – all work together and impact real people like those you've read about here. Thanks be to Yah for the wonderful blessing of being part of this service, and thanks to you guys for all your love and support!
Reminding you that His faithfulness is to every generation,
jason
jalazone7@yahoo.com
to everlasting is YHWH's lovingkindness...
Psalm 136
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